Friday 24 January 2014

B is for - Blue Crow

What I'm about to share with you now is very personal. It is about my spiritual path and how I was given the name Blue Crow. I'm a bit wary expressing it as it goes but I think it's time.

Back in the day of forums, we had to invent a user name. Remember those? Lots of well known goddesses and the such were used.  I used to be IckleSlaine after my tattoo of an ickle Slaine McRoth (2000ad geek n proud). This was circa 2002. I then shortened it to Slaine, which I used for a few years.

Ickle Slaine

I went to work for the MOD in 2004 at RAF Henlow and outside my window was the Hunter gate guardian and some chestnut trees that these two crows used to sit in. I always did stare out of windows as a kid and not much has really changed.  I'd just started discovering my spiritual path. I had been down the spiritualist route and was the Secretary of the SNU church in Letchworth GC.  By 2004, I had discovered that what I was had a name and that was 'pagan'.  Everyone had their paths and discussed these at length and of course, people had their 'spirit' names. Usually these had some mystical creature in them and they often assumed a whole new personality (online) to match their character name. Yes, I went there, character name.  It is too easy to get caught up in playgan roleplaying... yes I went there too! Aren't I naughty lol ! I think what I'm saying is that a fair few of these people were full of shit really.  They did it because it was fashionable and because the big kids on the forum did it too and looked cool and knowledgeable. Fair enough, it's easy to get caught up in it all.

The point is, at the time, I didn't really know what path I was on. I had been told by three shamans (proper ones, not like the latest fad of wannabes DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT FFS) that I was a shaman. I had no idea what that was, other than the American Indian sort.  I did some research and found an excellent book called Shamans through time - 500 years. It was a big fat book of written accounts by anthropologists, missionaries and that ilk who'd gone into the world to study/explore/convert and had found shamans in near enough every culture. Their accounts vary from Christian bias to those who went to live with the tribe for a month and learn how the shaman works in their community healing the sick etc.  The original term of shaman was used for a tribe in Siberia but it has since become a generic term throughout the world. Not that the know-it-alls on the forum cared, if you weren't from that tribe in Siberia you weren't a shaman and you were a fake. 20 posts per page, 15 pages later... I'm still being flayed for daring to 'come out' as someone who'd been told I was a shaman but didn't know what that meant.  Oh My Gods, it was horrendous.  Nearly a decade has gone by and it still haunts me... and that's why I get wary sharing! Nice way to help someone on their path isn't it? So much for peace and love! Don't get me started....

View outside my office window on a foggy day
Anyway, I digress!
One of the many lunchtimes gazing out the window, I was daydreaming (also normal) and I wondered what my spirit name was. The crows were out front, playing about, looking for food, chasing off the magpie (usual stuff for them) and I got the name 'Blue Crow'.  It was just there, in my head. I asked why and what it meant and I received no reply.  It was about two years later that I was told what it meant.

I was writing a lot of poetry at this time and here is one I penned about my friends the crows at work. My friend Cliff Carr turned it into a song and has performed it at Avebury, which is a bit surreal hearing your words being turned into music.

Crow he calls
Oh how he calls to me
‘Pick up your ears and listen
For I have much to say!’

Can you not hear the call?
Can you not understand?
You can see crow everywhere
You can hear his calls

Loudly he cries his message
Over and over again
I pick up my ears and listen
To what he’s trying to say

‘Come follow me!
Go deep within yourself
Close your eyes and slow your breath
Spread your wings and fly’

‘Fly above it all and survey the land
Call out what you see
Feel the earth and skies unite
Ride the updraft of the breath of life’

This is the path of Sacred Law
This is the call of crow
These are the words that reach my ears
Crows call penetrates my soul

December 2004


Time flies and roll on December 2007 and I had that 'aha!' moment and then it made sense.. for a short time because you're not supposed to make sense of your life, only the lessons passing through it at that time.

Blue is the sky
That envelopes us all
Blue is the healing rays
Blue is the deepest seas & skies
Crow is the Keeper of Sacred Law
Truth of Time kept
Blue Crow is the Keeper of what covers us all
The whole world
All times
I hold it all
I cannot unlock these secrets I keep
Only Time will reveal them 
when they need to be

So there you have it. How I got my name and what I was told it means. It's hard to believe it's been six years since all that happened.  I will probably write more about it when I get to the letter S on the blog project. Blimey, just thought, that will be nearly at the end of this year... who knows what will happen til then. 

That last paragraph of the last poem may need some explaining. All I can say for now is - it's a past life thing.







Monday 20 January 2014

B is for bloody Facebook, Bipolar & Bitchcraft (kinda)

Yes... bloody Facebook!

It's now Monday, my blogs have until now, been promptly done by Friday, usually in the very early hours.  I don't know what happened this time but I blame Facebook for sucking me into it's virtual world of friends, groups, managing pages and just being addicted to the interactions.  Yep, my name is Naomi and I'm a addicted to Facebook.  And now it's Tuesday. I was in mid blog when I was reminded via my phone alert, that it was my moot tonight.  How pants am I?!  Forgot what bloody day it was, sheesh!

Where was I? Oh yes... bloody Facebook. Before it was Myspace and forums and now it's Facebook. Not really got the Google+ thing, yet, although I have a profile, never used it.

My life seems to revolve around the cyberworld. I spend far too much time networking for the people I work for to get their deeds out there into cyberland.  99% of this is on Facebook.  You have the best intentions of 'just checking a page' and then before you know it, 6 hours have gone by.  I'm addicted to the interaction from faraway friends.  People I knew off forums from the last decade, people on the other side of the world whom I've never met, people I have never met but who are in my 'circles'. I spent so much time on the forums, which is where some of you may know me from. It's been 3 years or so since I went on the pagan forums, can't be bothered with the Bitchcraft. Funnily enough, that was another B I was going to blog about.  I think the Arsehole blog from week one from a fellow Pagan Blog Project summed it up without me having to add anything really, well I could but there'd be lots of swearing. Read it, it's good!

Whilst it's great to connect with my friends and have a laugh at the stupid shit people post up, it's not the same as getting into the real world. And when we do, what do we do? That's right, we take a picture of it and upload it to......... Facebook! We check in to places, we tag our friends in pictures and whilst we are all doing that, we aren't really where we really are - THE REAL WORLD.

The Matrix is on the tv behind me... bit ironic really.

I'm a nightowl, always have been. It's 3am as I type this. Yesterday I had a mad clean til 5am, which meant I woke up at lunch time, which means I missed a lot of daylight.  It doesn't help that I do not have paid employment at the moment and I don't HAVE to get up, other than to make sure my 16 year old son is up for school and out the door on time.  At least then, I get to see the sunrise but that's only cos it's winter and that happens at 7.30-8am.  The night time is a magical place, I live in the countryside, so there's only owl hoots and the occasional lorry rumbling past.  But it sucks missing the day, really does. On the plus side in the summer, I get to watch the world get lighter, the explosion of bird song and the sunrise, it's usually then I say 'bugger it's daytime' and go to bed.

I live right next to the River Derwent with loads of lovely walks around me. What do I do all day? Nothing. All that has to change.  I cannot and will not be an internet pagan!  How can I talk about being part of the earth when I stay indoors all the time... what's that about? A rhetorical question. Of course it doesn't help having depression (not a constant state) and the fact I have to have an op soon because I've been diagnosed with arthritis in my knees. This last year has seen me going from being active (but still addicted to FB) to being in quite a lot of pain and some days not being able to climb the stairs.  I'm only 37, it's depressing!  But I am not my illness and I refuse to let it consume me, obviously I'm having a good day today.

Originally I was going to blog about Bipolar.  How is that pagan, you ask? Well with my big network of friends in all walks of pagan life, it occurred to me that there are loads who all suffer from varying degrees of Bipolar Disorder or manic depression as it used to be called.  I have wondered if there is a connection, is it just that they are pagan AND have BPD? Or is it they are more spiritually aware because of their intense down/high times?  Is it cos they walk between the lines of mortality when they are so low they want to end it all?   I'm not sure and I don't know enough to really write about it. No offence is meant of course, just me thinking out loud really.  I've been described as being 'a bit Bipolar' - how can you be a bit Bipolar? I can see it though, I do have extreme ups and downs but most of the time I bounce along.  I would be interested to hear your views on it though.  Not that anyone reads my blog, let alone comments on it!

A lovely FB friend of mine (never met him and not even sure how he came to be on my friends list but he is a talented model and very positive person, with lots of great uplifting status') has just modeled for the MIND calendar.  You may recognise him from Celebrity Juice where he was standing on the desk in front of Danny Dyer - naked.  That fella's been working out.. obviously the link goes to the YouTube clip and Mr Dyer says f*ck a lot and Mark gets naked ... enjoy!

Google is your friend or Bing.. but it's all there at your fingertips - most people when they are in the throes of depression won't reach out or say anything but there is a world of info and help out there. Use it.

Help is out there in internet land for all sorts of disorders, alas nothing for Facebook addiction.

Friday's blog will be on time and about something that I AM.

Peace y'all /|\

If the text is in orange, it's a link - in this blog to MIND website etc

Thursday 9 January 2014

All


Hylo again!

Well it's the early hours of Friday and I'm itching to get my next blog out. I've lit a candle on my altar, lit a shalimar joss stick (so hard to get hold of now) and have some Nigel Shaw playing. What's this... and some honey jack and mead to hand. Ace... so let's start.

To be or not to be
To be standing in the sun
To be bathed with light
To be intouch with yourself
To be surrounded by natures beauty
To be part of spirit
To be one with it All
To be one with it All

Standing in the sun
Arms stretched out wide
Twirling in the sunshine
Absorbing the healing rays
Soaking in the light
Feeling elevated and free
At one with it All
A physical body
A free spirit
As it should be

We are all connected. You've heard of the 7 degrees of separation and those on Facebook, are always amazed by 'mutual' friend connections. With the advent of the internet, this is becoming a very small world indeed.  There are other ways of being connected of course, those who are open to the All can link in to people and the places around them.  I haven't tried to explain this before, it's more difficult than I thought.

The moment you climb over the sand dunes and see the vast expanse of the sea. The salty air whips your hair in gentle wildness, the waves crash on the beach and the gulls cry.  The sun breaks through the clouds and beams on the sea.  Or maybe the moon reflecting millions of smaller moons on the forever moving surface. That moment you feel in awe of the scene, the rawness of nature and feel that awesome connection to the All.

(Click the pictures to view full sized)

Whitby Regatta

Oh the moon! You step outside to empty the bins and look up to the clear nights sky. Stars and planets beam their lights down and we feel part of it All.  Small in the great Universe but still part of it. Or my personal favourite, you're lying in bed and the full moon fills the world with silver. So you open your curtains and lie there in it's silvery liquid magic. And it is magic to me.



That moment you're standing near trees and can hear the wind blowing the leaves, reminding you of the sea as it hits the beach.  The feeling of growth under your feet as the roots reach down, the bark and the endless patterns before you as it envelopes everything, the colours of the leaves and the dapples the sun makes.  The sense of beauty and life and life within this living ancient thing. Connection to the spirit of the All.



The way you can stop walking in a seemingly plain place and stand there, still, absorbing the life around you. The birds calls - mating, protecting, warning, greeting.  The little usually unseen creatures darting past like you're not there.  The grasses waving in the breeze. The river eddies swirling, rippling, running forever on as life goes on under it's surface.  The clouds up above - huge rain clouds or high wispy ones. The colours of the day as it starts and ends - the world as it becomes lighter and darker.

Princes Risborough

Watching our creatures of the the world. That moment an owl swoops across your vision as you drive along, lit up by your headlights, a ghostly wonder. I love seeing owls, it makes me smile.  Or seeing a huge buzzard being chased off by a gang of crows.  Crows... I could watch them all day! They don't take any shit of anyone, regardless whether it's prey or maybe a great hulking grey heron. They stand their ground, chase off any invaders and protect their territories.  Their calls change in the year too. You get the spring time calling of their territories, their body bobbing up and down with each shout, tales go up.  Then there's the mating game shortly after this.  They seem to go somewhere for a couple of weeks in the summer and you suddenly realise it's been rather quiet outside, the usual racket has dimmed.  Then they are back.  Crows are fun to watch.  I used to spend hours gazing out of the window at their antics.  That is where my name comes from... which is for another blog!

White Crow
Crow at Castlerigg
Then there are the extraordinary places. Those truly sacred places built to honour something long gone from a world that demands evidence and proof or reason.  Yet these places tap into something deep inside our psyche and wake us up. We are drawn there, we feel the need to gather there, to raise our cups and give thanks to our ancestors who built them thousands of years before us.  These places can be a great stone circle, a burial chamber, a henge or perhaps ancient woodlands with trees that saw out world wars, some times hundreds of years old, standing guard, watching over Time as it sifts past.  We connect to our ancestors there, we wonder how they built these great stone circles and why.  The scenery is usually wild and spectacular too, add the rising or setting sun and the world around this space explodes into colour.

As I said to Warwick Davies whilst filming at Long Meg last summer; each place is different, each place has it's own special kind of energy.  Long Meg is peaceful, serene and calming. Castlerigg was described by a friend of mine as buzzing and feels like you've been sandblasted clean.  Stonehenge is a wonder. You drive down the road and there it is - a WOW feeling, inspite of the fences and the fact it's being milked as a giant cash cow.  Avebury - each part of it is different. It's best to go when there isn't a Gorsedd on!  I find it peaceful and it radiates great power too.  My favourite place is Uffington White Horse. Over 3000 years old, 'ta'int how a horse looks like, it's how it be'  (as Terry Pratchett so aptly describes it via Granny Aching). The sky is huge under that hill and those hills just pop out of a relatively flat landscape. It's almost like someone has tried to fold it into pleats too. At the bottom of the hill is Dragon Hill. At the top of the hill a mile up the path is Waylands Smithy.  You can't help but stand on that hill, by the Eye and get lost in the world surrounding you.

Filming at Long Meg

Long Meg and her sisters

Uffington White Horse
Avebury

Stonehenge
Uffington White Horse - one of my all time fav pics

For those moments you stand there, connected to All around you. It takes your breath away. You are aware of that moment that you are part of it All. All of this without adding people, ritual, ceremonies, mead or a specific day of the cycle.

Meridians - we are all connected.  Before getting absorbed in coloured candles and all the trappings of ritualised dogma, take the time to connect to the Universe first.  Plant your feet in the richness of the life all around you. Feel the life forces in everything.  Become part of it All.  Otherwise, without that connection, you have no real power because you cannot truly understand what you are not really part of.  How can you heal if you cannot connect to the Universe, to channel it, to be the vessel? Exactly!

I'm proud to say that took all of these images (more here). I see the world and capture it for a moment. My final word is you can find beauty in anything if you plug in and open your eyes, all your eyes.

Love really is All around!





Thursday 2 January 2014

A is for.... Arthur!

I was going to do the affirmation one but thought, meh... lets jump straight into the deep end!

Ok... a quick affirmation of mine:

Nothing in my world is real
The meaning of everything
Is the meaning that I give it
I am who I say I am
And my experiences are what I say they are

And back again. Arthur. That's Arthur Pendragon, the King. Not necessarily yours but you've no doubt heard about him and his Warband.  Yes yes THAT Arthur. Queue the usual tirade of abuse, yeah, yeah, heard it all before and for a long time too.  Yes, you can detect a defencive tone but that's because I've had to put up with a lot of crap from so-called peace and lovers over the last decade.  Shall I start again? Yeah... OK.

One day, a Q&A appeared on An Fianna (ironic considering the name meaning) where we were invited to ask Arthur questions. I can't honestly say I'd heard of him prior to that, I was fresh out of the spiritualist forums and had only just found the pagan brand.  'What's the stupidest question (other than this one) that you've ever been asked?' and 'Do you like Marmite?'.  Can't remember the replies but I got to meet Arthur at the Beltaine Bash that year when he was doing a talk and said 'hi, I'm the one who asked you the stupid questions hahaha'.



Around this time, I visited the Warband website because I was intrigued. I started reading about this guy called Dylan who Arthur had been protesting with at Stonehenge. As I was reading it, I wanted to know this guy, to learn from him. I'd recently discovered my path and had no idea what it meant and this guy seemed like he could help.  As I read on, I realised that I was crying. He was dead. I just knew he was gone! I got to the end of the article and there it was, he had died.  I was gutted. And that's how I joined the Warband forum.  A few years later I ended up being one of the admins on there. Oh how the playgans love to troll! This was all before Facebook too, so forums were always a hive of activity. I don't think I've been on a forum for months now, they used to be a huge part of my day and I made many friendships that still exist (mostly on Facebook).  

I was raised under the sword of Britain, Summer Solstice 2007 at Avebury as a Warrior Priestess.  It's a surreal thing being Knighted, really is. You'd think you'd feel a bit silly but it's like stepping into Time, caught in that moment of personal truth. Truth, Honour and Justice... I still stand by that oath.  I've been the webmaster of the Warband website for more than five years now.  In that the ten years I've been part of the Warband, I've seen many changes with those who surround Arthur. Unfortunately there has been a fair number of sycophantic wannabes who tried to undo all the hard work done. These once believers turn to haters and boy do they hate!  Often there is absolutely no reason for any of it and they never forget, years later the same spite is still levied with the same ferocity.  Like I said earlier, I've been on the brunt of many of these attacks because I stood by Arthur and wouldn't be bullied by those haters. And you know what, he stood by me too, he refused to be blackmailed and for that, I'll always respect him.


Klasp The Moon protest at Stonehenge 18/12/13
Pic by Gee Davies

I'm acutely aware this blog isn't flowing and that some of this will make no sense at all. It's difficult to put into words without going off into 'he said, she saids' which there are pages of (screenshots for prosperity and proof).  So to sum up...

Arthur is my friend.  He has a ridiculously silly laugh. Whenever I hear it, it makes me laugh and think 'you muppet'.  I don't call him sire, my liege (bleh), King or any of that. He is just Arthur. Biker (I'm a biker too), Battle Chieftain, he has a strong heart and I believe in him.  I believe in his ability to get things done, his passion for doing what's Right and for giving it everything he's got to do it.  When he's wrong (not very often), I don't sugar coat it either!  And that's what friends are for right?  He's been loyal to me and that has earned my utmost respect and I'm fiercely loyal to those I love.  That's as a friend, the king may well be a tart but don't believe everything you hear lol.

I'm supposed to give my pagan perspective on this. What does it all mean to me? As time goes on and with every blog I write for this project, I will open up more, reveal my spiritual path more (and I'm not a druid). I'm a bit guarded of it as I've been attacked in the past and I'd rather there wasn't a path label for you to pre-judge me. How bad is that?! I'm wary of revealing my path to other pagans for fear of bullying. Says it all really. 

If I had to give my true thoughts on Arthur and his place on my path, it would be to say that Dylan drew me in for a reason.  I think he wanted me to be part of the team, to travel with Arthur and the Warband up the paths we follow.  Those paths aren't easy by any means, full of trials and it's hard work.  There's no glory, no titles and nothing to gain, other than knowing I was part of something that was Right to do. I'm blessed with meeting many good people, who have big hearts and are generous with their love. People who are willing to fight for the land, for the rights of others to worship at our ancient temples (like Stonehenge), people who also believe in Arthur and everything that he is. Everyone has their faults. Everyone. 

If you would like to find out about what I'm on about, you can check out the website for lots of information about Arthur, how he came to be on his path, past protests, what the Warband is up to these days with the Stonehenge bones picket, pictures, videos, there's a bardic corner and much more.  It won't hurt, promise www.warband.org.uk 

Pagan and Proud /|\


Richard and Darren from the Testicle Tour visit Stonehenge. They weren't allowed in so they came over to pose with us.