Justice

Week 19

JUSTICE

1. The quality of being just; fairness.
2. a. The principle of moral rightness; equity.         b. Conformity to moral rightness in action or attitude; righteousness. 
3. a. The upholding of what is just, especially fair treatment and due reward in accordance with honor, standards, or law.                                b. Law The administration and procedure of law.
4. Conformity to truth, fact, or sound reason

Is it me, or do pagans feel outraged more about injustices? The smallest slights against them and it's end of the world stuff, citing lack of honour etc etc.  Not just me? Good.. thought it was.  Is it because Playgans like to fantasise about the olde days of yore, of chivalry and the such? A lot of them do live in a fantasy world. So maybe it's only the natural progression of their life to be outraged about injustice to them. By outraged I mean talking a lot about (and by talk, I mean slag off to the nines) the wronger and not actually doing anything about it. 

When I started this particular blog 3 weeks ago, things were kicking off in the little world I occupy.  Maybe it was right to leave it until after it had all settled to finish what I was blogging, or it could have been a very angry soap box session.  Ok, it WILL be a soapbox but now with some more perspective and calm thrown in lol.

People come and go in our Warband. They blow in with big intentions, even bigger declarations of respect, get branded with tattoos, tabbards, the whole nine yards and then blow out again with even bigger noise on their way out.  Usually with their noses in the proverbial slings citing some bullshit reason why they now hate us.  Having been around in the Warband for the last decade, I've seen them come and go.  Those who stick around, work quietly in the background, not looking for any kind of glory and they are ALWAYS there when they are needed most.  Quality, not quantity as they say.

Now the last lot that just left were just unbelievable. 'We don't do gossip' and yet.. that's right, in spite (spite being the operative word!) of their claims of wanting to leave quietly, they are still kicking off about us being big meanies.  Now, I wouldn't mind but they won't even say what it is about! How can you make things right, when they ALL won't discuss it? How can you amend any wrongs if they won't tell you what you've done wrong? How can you move forward, without knowing what's holding you back?  Now as far as I'm concerned, I tried for ages to mediate with them and got the biggest loads of wankybollox you've ever read... big long posts that contained absolutely NO explanations to why they were pissed off.  Hail and farewell, says I....  and then when we didn't plaster it all over social media and slag them off, guess what? Yes, that's right, they started and they told enough people of their 'hurt' that others felt bad for them and then also started.  Shitstirring I believe it's called. So I posted up their own words and then some said 'aha' and realised they'd been lied to and some didn't.  Victim mentality at it's finest.  I have no patience with people who play the victim.

If it's not known by now, know it now... I keep all the messages, emails and screenshots of the shit I have sent to me.  I will quite happily post it up as proof that you are talking shit. I do not tell people who they can and cannot be friends with and I don't encourage others to unfriend others because of a fall out I've had. People can read both sides and make their own minds up.  I have quite a collection now of these screenshots and emails going back years.  I keep them because I need too.  I don't like having to argue with people I previously thought highly of.  But it seems I do indeed have a target on my back and you know what? This warrior will fight back, especially when I know I'm right. Sticking up for myself and my friends is Just. Anyway, as I've seen, they all come back eventually eating humble pie.  They are welcomed back every time but that doesn't mean I don't remember the poisons they poured in others ears. I watch. I wait. I hope they got it out of their systems and I don't have to add yet more screenshots to my folder.

So Justice.  The last word in our Oath we take under the Sword of Britain - Truth, Honour and Justice. They are words I live by.  I even had them included in my paint job on my bike. They are not words I will just discard like many others have done before.  You don't throw away an Oath like that because you don't like Arthur and the Warband anymore.   Those who can, never truly believed in the value of those words they swore to uphold.  You can throw away the friendships you made when you were declaring we were your family, your brother and sisters; you can turn your backs on those who loved you but the Universe is watching and you will be measured in Time for what you have done to others.  Is that karma? Nah, I think karma is something different but I can't exactly put my finger on why it's different... not yet anyway.

From my own personal experiences, I know that wanting Justice for wrongs levied against you and yours, can soon turn into holding on to those traumas and letting them consume you.  Some times you just have to ask the Universe to serve up it's own Justice and move on with your life.  Hindsight is a bitch!  I do hold on to these things, I do feel them deeply and I do take them personally.  Is that a character flaw on my part? No, I don't think so. I think it's a character flaw for those who take advantage of those with good natures who welcome them to their heaths and heart.  I know what personal trauma is, real nasty horrible stuff, and what these people are doing now, doesn't really register on my scale of giving a shit.  It's as simple as that.

I am nice right up to the point when they cross the line... and then they wish they hadn't.  No, not hexing or any of that. It's quite possible to go through life without threatening people with magic.  If you can't use your own Truths to fight your battles, then you shouldn't be commanding a damned thing, let alone magical intent. As Granny Weatherwax says, you might know how to do magic, but that doesn't mean you should.

Oh and before I go, I just remember this pearl of wisdom someone shared once.

When you point the finger of blame, three fingers point back to yourself. Think about it... even me lol

Fear

Week 11

Fuck it!

Fear
One of the reasons I didn't write my blog leading up to the operation was fear. I was going through one of my phases of being consumed by my fears.  The operation involved general anaesthetic and I had it in my head that I would go under and be lost to it.  For weeks, I had my Will going around my head, who would I leave what to and who would raise my son.  I even spoke with my friends about it.  It wasn't the fear of dying, it was the fear of what I was leaving behind and how it would be without me.  So I did a video Will and posted it on my desktop, I made sure all the passwords and log ins for the websites, emails etc were all written down.  I bust my arse getting jobs finished before I went in for the op.

The evening before my op, I told myself that they wouldn't operate if I was at risk and if anything did happen, I was in a hospital and they'd be monitoring me and not to worry.  It's daft... fear. It grabs you and then digs in deeper and sets all kinds of insecurities off.

A few years ago I had a t-shirt made up to remind me:

FEAR? 

MEH!

FACE IT...

FUCK IT! 

Fear of the event is usually worse than the event itself as they say.. working yourself up, getting anxious... and then it's never as bad as you thought it was going to be.

This obviously doesn't apply to real fear - of violence and other such traumatic things. That kind of fear cannot be dismissed. It's justified.

For all those other fears, anxieties, things you have no control over... try this:

"Saying Fuck It is like massage for the mind
Relaxing you, releasing tension, giving up on things that aren't working.
John C. Parkin argues that saying Fuck It is a spiritual act:
That it is the perfect western expression of the eastern ideas of letting go, giving up and finding real freedom by realising that things dont matter so much (if at all).
This is The Fuck It Way.
It works very simply: if you're feeling stressed about something, say Fuck It you feel instantly better."

FUCK IT! 

Yep, I feel better already

The other thing to consider is that you can call your fears to you, to make them manifest into reality. This is told in the story of rabbit in the medicine cards I use.. in my words.

One day Rabbit was eating grass and spotted Eagle flying high above.
Rabbit was afraid 'oh no, it's Eagle, what if he sees me and eats me'
Eagle hadn't seen him.
Rabbit shouted out louder 'oh no it's Eagle, he's going to eat me'
Eagle noticed something below and went to have a look
Rabbit ran 'shit, Eagle is going to eat meeeeeeeeeeeeee!'
Eagle swooped down and got Rabbit and ate him.

As this story shows, Rabbit medicine people are so afraid of tragedy, illness, disaster, and "being taken," that they call those very fears to them to teach them lessons.  The keynote here is: what you resist will persist! What you fear most is what you will become.

If you pulled Rabbit, stop talking about horrible things happening and get rid of "what it" in your vocabulary. This card may signal a time of worry about the future or of trying to exercise your control over that which is not yet in form - the future. Stop now! Write your fears down and be willing to feel them. Breathe into them, and feel them running through your body into Mother Earth as a give-away.

Makes perfect sense to me.... face your fears and say FUCK IT... don't let them bind you, enslave you to them or depression surely follows, inability to act and all those things you feared, will come to you. Best to face them honestly.  It's not easy to do... you'll get there though, so don't give up.  Takes a strong person to see these patterns, face them and deal with them.  Don't beat yourself up, have faith x