Death

It is a subject that has kept cropping up this last week and last night, a beautiful old lady died at the age of 110.  Maybe my blog was late because I needed her words to inspire me.  Who knows.

The one thing certain in life is that you are going to die.  Morbid? Not really, it is a reality. I have found this last year, I have been very conscious of my own mortality and are times when I constantly think about me dying and what I'm leaving behind.  It's not constructive or healthy but it is natural considering I am going through the grieving process.

I lost my estranged brother to cancer last March. I also lost my ex-best friend Lorna to a heart attack. I lost a brother Knight Ghyll to cancer. I lost a friend and colleague Gail to a bike crash. The one year old boy called Ryan who I'd been sending healing to, died of the same cancer my brother did and another biker mate Tom died of pneumonia. All within a couple of months.  By July, I was a total mess. I was laying on the table at my osteopaths (he is also a reiki master and acupuncturist and clairvoyant) and he was sorting out my knees with acupuncture and talking about why I was upset.  He asked me why it was that I believed in the after life and spirit contact but was upset about death.  I replied that it wasn't the dying, it was what I left behind that upset me.  What would happen to my son, my home, my possessions, my cats... what would people say at the funeral, to my son, who'd raise him, would me cats be put in homes .... you get the idea. The thought of all of this ate me up inside.

As time has gone on, this fear has eased off but it's still there. Depression amplifies this fear and I'm up and down with that due to my current physical state. I'm due to have general anaesthetic next month for an operation on my knees. I have been sedated before but not totally under, that deep sleep could be a wonderful thing where I travel or it could be the death of me. I think it's the thought of the needles that's doing me in the most and the loss of control over my body.  So now getting my Will in order and going to do a video telling people what I want/don't want at my funeral.  In a non-morbid way, I've been planning my funeral music for years... music is such a big part of my life and when I've been to others funerals, the music played at them represented who they were.

I think it would be a good idea to make sure your family and friends know what you want to happen with your remains, the sort of funeral you want and what you represent. I've been to too many where the funeral was the last thing that person would have wanted and it was more what their family wanted. That's not right.

Yesterday the oldest survivor of the concentration camps died aged 110.  You may have seen her on documentaries about people living active lifestyles well past their 100th year. Alice was the lady who played the piano. Her music kept the spirits up in those retched places and gave some hope to those who had none. She continued to play until the day she died. It will be easier for me to copy and paste the news article about her life. It's worth sharing.

"I think I am in my last days but it does not really matter because I have had such a beautiful life.

"And life is beautiful, love is beautiful, nature and music are beautiful. Everything we experience is a gift, a present we should cherish and pass on to those we love."

Ms Herz-Sommer recalled "always laughing" during her time in Terezin, where she and other inmates put on occasional concerts.

She said the joy of making music had kept their spirits up.

"These concerts, the people are sitting there, old people, desolate and ill, and they came to the concerts and this music was for them our food. Music was our food. Through making music we were kept alive."

Life IS beautiful. Love IS beautiful. Nature and music ARE beautiful. She never lost sight of this and this resonates with me hugely.  I see the beauty in everything around me... even when I'm low.  So thank you Alice for reminding me that inspite of the horrors you face, life can be good.  What an inspirational, beautiful person.  Rest in peace, you've earned it x

Naked trees

Bare blue skies

Last years leaves

Litter the ground

Cold winds blow

A mighty chill

Rain turns to snow

The sun climbs higher

Daffodils and crocus

Snowdrops and catkins

Life has burst thru

The cold hard earth

Life is imminent

It's waiting to bloom

Green shoots and colours

Birds return home

Colder weather will come

Life still breaks thru

Defying frozen death

Under frost and snow

New life breaks thru

Winters death begins to wane

Sunny days and blue skies

Wake us up within

New life in Springtime

The lambing season not far

Cold winds may blow

Spring has been announced

written by me =o))

Edited to add that, life is about death. As a pagan, you observe the season changes.. when the world is reborn (spring), when it feeds us (summer) when we harvest (autumn) and when the world dies (winter). It's all about life and death cycles.  For some, death is just the next big adventure. Every culture, faith and religion in all corners of the world has their own version of what happens when you die, where you go and what you do.  As a medium, I know spirit goes on... death is only a transition. But by gods, it's a painful one, especially for those left behind.  As a healer, I try to make the transition as peaceful as possible but that's another story.  Thanks for reading x

Dreamtime

I saw this in the prompt list and thought hmmmm... think I'll give that a go.

Back in 1998, I met one of my spirit guides. Everyone has a Native American one it seems.. at that time I wasn't really aware of any of my guides, although I'm sure they were there all the same.

I was laying on my bed whilst on the phone to Lorna with a piece of Laboradite on my forehead, as you do, when I became aware of an Aboriginal man standing there, not wearing much and holding a big staff. He told me I could call him John, although that wasn't his real name. He also told me that we used to walk the Songlines together in a past life and that he'd stayed in spirit and I'd decided to be reborn. I have always had a longing to return to Ayres Rock/Ulura, although I've not been there in this lifetime.  I have friends in Australia and I intend to go there in the next couple of years.  Money is very tight but it's worth saving for.

Just wow! Source - here

The songlines are what we'd call leylines or meridians. They are energy pathways, linking places in the land. In the UK there are several main leylines that have prominent monuments on them. They are ancient procession routes, pilgrims walked them and worshiped at key locations on the way. These can be found throughout the Earth.  Some are so straight, it's a wonder how the ancients were able to map them without our modern instruments. Look at the pyramids - there's no clear view, yet they managed to line them all up within a few degrees. There's so many examples to give, it makes you think 'how' they did it. I find this all truly amazing and it's something I'm deeply interested in.

Source here

People seem to think that because you know about a past life, that it means you know everything about it. Not true. I am shown glimpses of it and then I have to work it out.  Also what I knew then, isn't what I'm supposed to know now unless I'm shown it.  I have found that I am able to tap into old knowledge, I seem to just know things... I will be given inspirations during a working to do something a certain way, which I believe is spirit guiding me. I certainly do not own any books on that sort of thing. I have had many past lives but as I always say to people, it's what you learn in THIS lifetime that's important. Usually there's a repeat lesson to learn... not sure what my one is. I keep coming back though, hmm.

I am a big dreamer. I travel in my dreams. I often get a flashback of my dreams a few hours after I've woken up.  They are always in colour and always so real.  I find myself thinking that I've been somewhere and then realise that it's only a dream memory, not one from actually going.  Very discombobulating. Had to get that word in somehow hahaha!  Your dreams are the key to your subconscious. I like to do dream analysis and have a couple of books that I use for reference. One is all doom and gloom, everything you dream is going to mean something bad... and the other is one of those you find in WHSmith, basic, with pretty pictures and a more user friendly.  Using keywords from these and some clairvoyance, I am usually able to give a good reading on a dream.

I have woken up, sitting up in bed before talking Italian. I can't speak Italian. I was talking to my great grandad, whom I never met.  I have woken up talking to a knight sitting on a chair in the corner of the B&B room opposite Beaumaris castle. That was freaky.  I often wake up talking and more recently 'what are you doing?' to a person who's saying something to me whilst I'm asleep. There's only me in the room.  It's really annoying! I have been woken up after it felt like I had been stabbed in the hand.  I turned the light on, looking at my hand to see if there was a mark and remembering the pain but couldn't see any evidence.  He's not visited recently but for a while, I could hear a deep voice and there was a man with tight curly black hair talking to me.  I got the impression he was Greek or from that part of the world.  I did consider whether it was my voice and even downloaded one of those apps on my phone to capture it happening. Haven't yet.

Dreamtime art, done for a school project! See more here

Lizard is one of my totem animals. Lizard is dreaming. Yes, I incorporate the beliefs of many nations, into my own. Their stories resonate with me. Yes, I have since met my Native American spirit guide.. I didn't want to be left out lol.

Living in a dreamworld

Reality within reach

Crystal blue skies

And a warm sandy beach

High peaks capped

With white fluffy clouds

Fast mountain rivers

With mist as their shrouds

Lost in space

As time passes by

Billions of stars

Burn holes in the night

Faraway places

That call to me often

Ayres rock, plateaus

Table top mountain

The inevitable question

Breaks my astral dream

My son wakes me and asks

'Mum, what's for tea?'

by me circa 1999

Crystals & Chakras

I'm staring at a blank page now for the last few hours... not feeling it this week. But will give it a go... (2 weeks later and I'm finally attacking it lol)

Crystals
I was introduced to these in 1998 by a friend who taught me about crystal healing and using them in meditation etc.  I have a big collection now and there was a period when I didn't touch them for a few years but I've rediscovered them and started using them again.  I haven't done any courses on it but I do have a couple of good books that I use for reference.

I have found that when I do a tarot reading for someone, I get them to pick a crystal from the box, they then hold this during the reading. After the reading, I look up the stone they've chosen in the book and every time, it's relevant to what's going on with them at the moment. The stone picks them.

I use crystals every day.  I usually wear a bloodstone bracelet and have a variety of necklaces with crystals in.  Each day I'm drawn to a particular one and I'll wear it.  Some times I carry them in my pocket, depending if I'm ailing, then I'll pick up my crystal book and look it up, pick a crystal and pop it in my pocket or under my pillow. I use two books 'The Crystal and Mineral guide' by John Lee - a booklet really that I got for £3.50. No pictures but very good for reference. The other is a bible sized book 'Love is in the Earth' by Melody, also no pictures but full of crystals you've never heard of and it's more detailed. My friend Andrea was lucky enough to meet her and helped her work on the second book.

Apothylite

I've heard people talk about working with crystals and some times, my fluffy-radar goes off and I glaze over. Scientific fact: everything on this earth vibrates. Each object has a vibration rating. We cannot see/feel those vibrations but they can  be measured with scientific instruments (don't ask me what ones, I don't know).  The theory is, and is one that I believe in, is that by placing an object with a certain vibration level, on an area that needs healing, it will assist in balancing that area and thus help with the healing.  Do I think crystals 'talk' to you - no.  Do I think they feel pain - no. Do I think they are the cure all for everything - no. Do I think they have magical properties - mmm some times but that depends on your definitions of magic.

Quartz ball

Crystal balls have always been deemed as magical.  Historically, crystals have been used as talismans and worn for protection.  Solomon wore Lapis Lazuli on his breast plate.  People have worn gem stones in jewellery for as long as people have adorned themselves with clothing.  Usually the early examples are those that weren't mined and were found on the beaches, in rock faces etc so amber (which isn't technically a crystal as it's fossilised tree sap), jet, amethyst, jasper, quartz ...  Those ruby, diamond, sapphire, emerald rings and fine jewellery are crystals - just a higher grade and 'flawless'.  People have always been drawn to crystals and gemstones.  I have a lovely ruby in fuchite piece with several rubies in it but it's a fraction of the price of a gem stone quality ruby you'd pay hundreds for at a jewellers.

Amber set in silver bracelet

I have quite a large collection now. I used to be able to name each one and tell you what they are good for but as they say 'if you don't use it, you lose it' and that knowledge is in the back of my mind blocked in by other things.  It comes back to me and I have started to use crystals again.

My favourite pieces at the moment are quartz, lithium, clear, rose and smokey; melinite, lapis lazuli and amethyst.  I have a lovely quartz crystal ball with huge infractions that look like an icy landscape. There is a piece of jewellery I bought off a friend that is copper with snowflake obsidian beads and the main piece is a triple terminated smokey quartz. It was one of those pieces I was instantly drawn too. I left it a few weeks and it was still on her stall, so I bought it. I put it on and was drunk within a few minutes. It was exactly like being really drunk! My friends were on the floor laughing at me trying to speak a straight sentence and I was slurring my words a bit.  Never had that happen to me before... so I only wear it now when I need to do some spirit work or during meditation.

click - Black Orchid Designs

I read in Caitlin Matthews book 'Singing the soul back home' that people shouldn't put crystals on 'just anywhere' and they can actually cause a lot of damage to the auric field if they don't know what they are doing.  I can see her point because there was a fad a few years back where colleges were doing two day courses and then that person was 'qualified' to be a crystal healer and at that time, they charged £40 for a healing session. It was a new age healing explosion and worth lots of money.  Another friend of mine did a course for nearly two years, where she learnt about the human body, the organs and intricate details about crystals, making elixirs and all sorts of things.  She knew was properly trained and knew what she was doing.  These types of courses are less popular at colleges now, the fashion has moved on to other areas thank gods!  So I have to agree with Caitlin, don't just go putting any old crystal on your chakras without knowing what you are doing. That crystal has a certain vibration, that is interrupting your energy field and energy centres.... wearing certain crystals around your neck is not suitable.  There are loads that make you feel spacey and open you up - why put that on all day? Are you mad?! Those are the ones you wear during meditation, spirit work, or dream time.  Do your research.

Black Kyanite

Another interesting debate came up on the pagan group I'm on, the other week.  What are your thoughts on ripping crystals from the earth and does it affect their 'power' from the trauma of the extraction?  There are parts of the world where people are forced to mine these gemstones, living like slaves and being paid pittance.  Most of the time, this is for the high grade gemstones.  The crystals on the market are a bi-product of mining, things they find along the way, things that don't aren't flawless.  Malachite is a bi-product of copper, so you will find tonnes of the stuff around copper mines, just thrown away as slag.  I love malachite, the colours are amazing and it's highly charged like copper.  I think if people mine ethically, pay the locals a good wage and don't exploit them, then I don't see the issues.  You're never going to know 100% what you have in your collection was extracted ethically and if they've lost their power from being torn from the earth, then how come they still buzz in your hand and you're drawn to one stone in a basket of many?  I don't think they have feelings, they are lumps of compressed particles.. get a grip people lol.

Multi Chrysoprase

Chakras
I bumped into a chap who comes to the local moot and we were having a great chat about chakras in the crisp aisle in Morrisons.  I was wearing a lapis luzuli necklace as I had a sore throat and blue is the throat chakra colour.  He picked up my sore throat and started to dry cough, I wasn't coughing but I was dying for a drink as my throat was thick and dry.  I picked up off him, like the top of my head was coming off.  This is all whilst chatting about stuff.  He hadn't shut himself down and he'd been told that you don't close your base and crown chakras. This isn't the first time I've heard this and you know what, that's utter nonsense!  You can't shut down an energy point, you won't die if you do either! Who makes this stuff up?!  I went on to describe to him how to open/chose your chakras (and by that, I mean the main 7) when you want to be open/closed for spirit work.  Think of it like a dimmer switch I told him. When you want to open up, you turn the switch round and the light is brighter, when you want to close down, you dim it right down.  Turning a light off doesn't mean it's broken either or we'd never turn our light bulbs off.  He also said that he couldn't visualise things in meditation.  Imagining an image and visualising it are THE SAME THING. When I sat in circle and we opened and closed our chakras, each time I would visualise it differently, your mind will find a way of relating these things to you.  One week it would be a spinning coloured ball, another it would be a big bubble, or my fav would be sitting in a big coloured flower and the petals open/closing around me.

Aha! Another flash of inspiration...  a flower opens in the morning light and follows the sun. It closes at night. It does this every day.... and doesn't die does it?  So closing your crown and base charkas won't kill you.  You can't keep them spinning madly whilst the others are dimmed cos you will be totally imbalanced and like my friend, have headaches, unwanted spirit attention and at the other end, your over active base, governs your bum and down.  If you're having issues below the waist, dowse your base chakra and I'll bet that it's off balance.

Keywords here would be: DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING SOMEONE WRITES IN A BOOK. It is after all their opinion and most of the time, they are fluffy and don't know what they are on about. Don't read their words as fact and base your practises on them.  I've been there and done that... take everything with a pinch of salt and question everything.  You will know in your gut if it's true for you or not. Go with your gut always.

Righto then... I have another two blogs to pen later but first, I'm off to circle, which I've not been to for weeks for a variety of reasons.  As I said to my friend earlier, I can't write about these things if I'm not practicing them!

C is for Clairvoyance

Minsden Chapel

I was in bed, trying to get to sleep but you know how your mind spins and you try and clear your mind but nope, it's not going to let you get to sleep. Then I started coughing. How annoying, especially as I didn't have a cough before I tried to get to sleep.  So I got up and got a note pad with the intention of writing my thoughts down.  I wrote three lines. Then I thought 'I know, I'll make a video blog' and got my son's tablet, which then turned out, didn't have a video function. So I made it using my iPhone, not at all flattering and the picture quality is pants but you can hear me. Incidentally, the cough went as soon as I'd finished. Hmmm!

I realised afterwards that I'd gotten some dates wrong. I don't know what it is about me and time but when I try and recall things and the date they happened, I can't.  Usually I try and gauge how old my son was when it happened and that usually gives me a good idea what year it was. Seriously! Lorna fell out with me prior to 2002, so I can't have gone with her to Wales in 2003-4.  Luckily I take lots of photographs and I can check the dates, only the Anglesey pics were pre-digital camera, so without going through hundreds of negatives, I can only approximate the dates to when I was still living in my flat, so 1999-2001. How pants is that?! The Petre Ifan trip with my first visit to Stonehenge and Silbury Hill was in 2004 but just me and my son visiting our friend Red in Tenby.

That is the result from a lot of personal trauma that has blocked out so much good information. I remember all the bad but only get flashbacks of normal things I did as a kid or teenager or pre 2002.  You don't need to know the ins and outs of it but it defined me for a time, I think 12 years on, I'm finally working my way through it all.   Anyway, the video is about 40 mins of me having an honest chat about my beginnings with finding my clairvoyance abilities and the person who was a very important part of that. It's also a look at how hurt can create hate and what a waste of time that is.  I do regret that Lorna and I never made amends before she died, but I do believe she has since, as I describe in the video. So here's me, saying thanks Lorna. I still remember the hurt but I now remember so much more of our time together as friends. RIP.

Lorna Summer 2000

B is for - Blue Crow

What I'm about to share with you now is very personal. It is about my spiritual path and how I was given the name Blue Crow. I'm a bit wary expressing it as it goes but I think it's time.

Back in the day of forums, we had to invent a user name. Remember those? Lots of well known goddesses and the such were used.  I used to be IckleSlaine after my tattoo of an ickle Slaine McRoth (2000ad geek n proud). This was circa 2002. I then shortened it to Slaine, which I used for a few years.

Ickle Slaine

I went to work for the MOD in 2004 at RAF Henlow and outside my window was the Hunter gate guardian and some chestnut trees that these two crows used to sit in. I always did stare out of windows as a kid and not much has really changed.  I'd just started discovering my spiritual path. I had been down the spiritualist route and was the Secretary of the SNU church in Letchworth GC.  By 2004, I had discovered that what I was had a name and that was 'pagan'.  Everyone had their paths and discussed these at length and of course, people had their 'spirit' names. Usually these had some mystical creature in them and they often assumed a whole new personality (online) to match their character name. Yes, I went there, character name.  It is too easy to get caught up in playgan roleplaying... yes I went there too! Aren't I naughty lol ! I think what I'm saying is that a fair few of these people were full of shit really.  They did it because it was fashionable and because the big kids on the forum did it too and looked cool and knowledgeable. Fair enough, it's easy to get caught up in it all.

The point is, at the time, I didn't really know what path I was on. I had been told by three shamans (proper ones, not like the latest fad of wannabes DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT FFS) that I was a shaman. I had no idea what that was, other than the American Indian sort.  I did some research and found an excellent book called Shamans through time - 500 years. It was a big fat book of written accounts by anthropologists, missionaries and that ilk who'd gone into the world to study/explore/convert and had found shamans in near enough every culture. Their accounts vary from Christian bias to those who went to live with the tribe for a month and learn how the shaman works in their community healing the sick etc.  The original term of shaman was used for a tribe in Siberia but it has since become a generic term throughout the world. Not that the know-it-alls on the forum cared, if you weren't from that tribe in Siberia you weren't a shaman and you were a fake. 20 posts per page, 15 pages later... I'm still being flayed for daring to 'come out' as someone who'd been told I was a shaman but didn't know what that meant.  Oh My Gods, it was horrendous.  Nearly a decade has gone by and it still haunts me... and that's why I get wary sharing! Nice way to help someone on their path isn't it? So much for peace and love! Don't get me started....

View outside my office window on a foggy day

Anyway, I digress!
One of the many lunchtimes gazing out the window, I was daydreaming (also normal) and I wondered what my spirit name was. The crows were out front, playing about, looking for food, chasing off the magpie (usual stuff for them) and I got the name 'Blue Crow'.  It was just there, in my head. I asked why and what it meant and I received no reply.  It was about two years later that I was told what it meant.

I was writing a lot of poetry at this time and here is one I penned about my friends the crows at work. My friend Cliff Carr turned it into a song and has performed it at Avebury, which is a bit surreal hearing your words being turned into music.

Crow he calls

Oh how he calls to me

‘Pick up your ears and listen

For I have much to say!’

Can you not hear the call?

Can you not understand?

You can see crow everywhere

You can hear his calls

Loudly he cries his message

Over and over again

I pick up my ears and listen

To what he’s trying to say

‘Come follow me!

Go deep within yourself

Close your eyes and slow your breath

Spread your wings and fly’

‘Fly above it all and survey the land

Call out what you see

Feel the earth and skies unite

Ride the updraft of the breath of life’

This is the path of Sacred Law

This is the call of crow

These are the words that reach my ears

Crows call penetrates my soul

December 2004

Time flies and roll on December 2007 and I had that 'aha!' moment and then it made sense.. for a short time because you're not supposed to make sense of your life, only the lessons passing through it at that time.

Blue is the sky

That envelopes us all

Blue is the healing rays

Blue is the deepest seas & skies

Crow is the Keeper of Sacred Law

Truth of Time kept

Blue Crow is the Keeper of what covers us all

The whole world

All times

I hold it all

I cannot unlock these secrets I keep

Only Time will reveal them 

when they need to be

So there you have it. How I got my name and what I was told it means. It's hard to believe it's been six years since all that happened.  I will probably write more about it when I get to the letter S on the blog project. Blimey, just thought, that will be nearly at the end of this year... who knows what will happen til then. 

That last paragraph of the last poem may need some explaining. All I can say for now is - it's a past life thing.

B is for bloody Facebook, Bipolar & Bitchcraft (kinda)

Yes... bloody Facebook!

It's now Monday, my blogs have until now, been promptly done by Friday, usually in the very early hours.  I don't know what happened this time but I blame Facebook for sucking me into it's virtual world of friends, groups, managing pages and just being addicted to the interactions.  Yep, my name is Naomi and I'm a addicted to Facebook.  And now it's Tuesday. I was in mid blog when I was reminded via my phone alert, that it was my moot tonight.  How pants am I?!  Forgot what bloody day it was, sheesh!

Where was I? Oh yes... bloody Facebook. Before it was Myspace and forums and now it's Facebook. Not really got the Google+ thing, yet, although I have a profile, never used it.

My life seems to revolve around the cyberworld. I spend far too much time networking for the people I work for to get their deeds out there into cyberland.  99% of this is on Facebook.  You have the best intentions of 'just checking a page' and then before you know it, 6 hours have gone by.  I'm addicted to the interaction from faraway friends.  People I knew off forums from the last decade, people on the other side of the world whom I've never met, people I have never met but who are in my 'circles'. I spent so much time on the forums, which is where some of you may know me from. It's been 3 years or so since I went on the pagan forums, can't be bothered with the Bitchcraft. Funnily enough, that was another B I was going to blog about.  I think the Arsehole blog from week one from a fellow Pagan Blog Project summed it up without me having to add anything really, well I could but there'd be lots of swearing. Read it, it's good!

Whilst it's great to connect with my friends and have a laugh at the stupid shit people post up, it's not the same as getting into the real world. And when we do, what do we do? That's right, we take a picture of it and upload it to......... Facebook! We check in to places, we tag our friends in pictures and whilst we are all doing that, we aren't really where we really are - THE REAL WORLD.

The Matrix is on the tv behind me... bit ironic really.

I'm a nightowl, always have been. It's 3am as I type this. Yesterday I had a mad clean til 5am, which meant I woke up at lunch time, which means I missed a lot of daylight.  It doesn't help that I do not have paid employment at the moment and I don't HAVE to get up, other than to make sure my 16 year old son is up for school and out the door on time.  At least then, I get to see the sunrise but that's only cos it's winter and that happens at 7.30-8am.  The night time is a magical place, I live in the countryside, so there's only owl hoots and the occasional lorry rumbling past.  But it sucks missing the day, really does. On the plus side in the summer, I get to watch the world get lighter, the explosion of bird song and the sunrise, it's usually then I say 'bugger it's daytime' and go to bed.

I live right next to the River Derwent with loads of lovely walks around me. What do I do all day? Nothing. All that has to change.  I cannot and will not be an internet pagan!  How can I talk about being part of the earth when I stay indoors all the time... what's that about? A rhetorical question. Of course it doesn't help having depression (not a constant state) and the fact I have to have an op soon because I've been diagnosed with arthritis in my knees. This last year has seen me going from being active (but still addicted to FB) to being in quite a lot of pain and some days not being able to climb the stairs.  I'm only 37, it's depressing!  But I am not my illness and I refuse to let it consume me, obviously I'm having a good day today.

Originally I was going to blog about Bipolar.  How is that pagan, you ask? Well with my big network of friends in all walks of pagan life, it occurred to me that there are loads who all suffer from varying degrees of Bipolar Disorder or manic depression as it used to be called.  I have wondered if there is a connection, is it just that they are pagan AND have BPD? Or is it they are more spiritually aware because of their intense down/high times?  Is it cos they walk between the lines of mortality when they are so low they want to end it all?   I'm not sure and I don't know enough to really write about it. No offence is meant of course, just me thinking out loud really.  I've been described as being 'a bit Bipolar' - how can you be a bit Bipolar? I can see it though, I do have extreme ups and downs but most of the time I bounce along.  I would be interested to hear your views on it though.  Not that anyone reads my blog, let alone comments on it!

A lovely FB friend of mine (never met him and not even sure how he came to be on my friends list but he is a talented model and very positive person, with lots of great uplifting status') has just modeled for the MIND calendar.  You may recognise him from Celebrity Juice where he was standing on the desk in front of Danny Dyer - naked.  That fella's been working out.. obviously the link goes to the YouTube clip and Mr Dyer says f*ck a lot and Mark gets naked ... enjoy!

Google is your friend or Bing.. but it's all there at your fingertips - most people when they are in the throes of depression won't reach out or say anything but there is a world of info and help out there. Use it.

Help is out there in internet land for all sorts of disorders, alas nothing for Facebook addiction.

Friday's blog will be on time and about something that I AM.

Peace y'all /|\

If the text is in orange, it's a link - in this blog to MIND website etc

All

Hylo again!

Well it's the early hours of Friday and I'm itching to get my next blog out. I've lit a candle on my altar, lit a shalimar joss stick (so hard to get hold of now) and have some Nigel Shaw playing. What's this... and some honey jack and mead to hand. Ace... so let's start.

To be or not to be

To be standing in the sun

To be bathed with light

To be intouch with yourself

To be surrounded by natures beauty

To be part of spirit

To be one with it All

To be one with it All

Standing in the sun

Arms stretched out wide

Twirling in the sunshine

Absorbing the healing rays

Soaking in the light

Feeling elevated and free

At one with it All

A physical body

A free spirit

As it should be

We are all connected. You've heard of the 7 degrees of separation and those on Facebook, are always amazed by 'mutual' friend connections. With the advent of the internet, this is becoming a very small world indeed.  There are other ways of being connected of course, those who are open to the All can link in to people and the places around them.  I haven't tried to explain this before, it's more difficult than I thought.

The moment you climb over the sand dunes and see the vast expanse of the sea. The salty air whips your hair in gentle wildness, the waves crash on the beach and the gulls cry.  The sun breaks through the clouds and beams on the sea.  Or maybe the moon reflecting millions of smaller moons on the forever moving surface. That moment you feel in awe of the scene, the rawness of nature and feel that awesome connection to the All.

(Click the pictures to view full sized)

Whitby Regatta

Oh the moon! You step outside to empty the bins and look up to the clear nights sky. Stars and planets beam their lights down and we feel part of it All.  Small in the great Universe but still part of it. Or my personal favourite, you're lying in bed and the full moon fills the world with silver. So you open your curtains and lie there in it's silvery liquid magic. And it is magic to me.

That moment you're standing near trees and can hear the wind blowing the leaves, reminding you of the sea as it hits the beach.  The feeling of growth under your feet as the roots reach down, the bark and the endless patterns before you as it envelopes everything, the colours of the leaves and the dapples the sun makes.  The sense of beauty and life and life within this living ancient thing. Connection to the spirit of the All.

The way you can stop walking in a seemingly plain place and stand there, still, absorbing the life around you. The birds calls - mating, protecting, warning, greeting.  The little usually unseen creatures darting past like you're not there.  The grasses waving in the breeze. The river eddies swirling, rippling, running forever on as life goes on under it's surface.  The clouds up above - huge rain clouds or high wispy ones. The colours of the day as it starts and ends - the world as it becomes lighter and darker.

Princes Risborough

Watching our creatures of the the world. That moment an owl swoops across your vision as you drive along, lit up by your headlights, a ghostly wonder. I love seeing owls, it makes me smile.  Or seeing a huge buzzard being chased off by a gang of crows.  Crows... I could watch them all day! They don't take any shit of anyone, regardless whether it's prey or maybe a great hulking grey heron. They stand their ground, chase off any invaders and protect their territories.  Their calls change in the year too. You get the spring time calling of their territories, their body bobbing up and down with each shout, tales go up.  Then there's the mating game shortly after this.  They seem to go somewhere for a couple of weeks in the summer and you suddenly realise it's been rather quiet outside, the usual racket has dimmed.  Then they are back.  Crows are fun to watch.  I used to spend hours gazing out of the window at their antics.  That is where my name comes from... which is for another blog!

White Crow

Crow at Castlerigg

Then there are the extraordinary places. Those truly sacred places built to honour something long gone from a world that demands evidence and proof or reason.  Yet these places tap into something deep inside our psyche and wake us up. We are drawn there, we feel the need to gather there, to raise our cups and give thanks to our ancestors who built them thousands of years before us.  These places can be a great stone circle, a burial chamber, a henge or perhaps ancient woodlands with trees that saw out world wars, some times hundreds of years old, standing guard, watching over Time as it sifts past.  We connect to our ancestors there, we wonder how they built these great stone circles and why.  The scenery is usually wild and spectacular too, add the rising or setting sun and the world around this space explodes into colour.

As I said to Warwick Davies whilst filming at Long Meg last summer; each place is different, each place has it's own special kind of energy.  Long Meg is peaceful, serene and calming. Castlerigg was described by a friend of mine as buzzing and feels like you've been sandblasted clean.  Stonehenge is a wonder. You drive down the road and there it is - a WOW feeling, inspite of the fences and the fact it's being milked as a giant cash cow.  Avebury - each part of it is different. It's best to go when there isn't a Gorsedd on!  I find it peaceful and it radiates great power too.  My favourite place is Uffington White Horse. Over 3000 years old, 'ta'int how a horse looks like, it's how it be'  (as Terry Pratchett so aptly describes it via Granny Aching). The sky is huge under that hill and those hills just pop out of a relatively flat landscape. It's almost like someone has tried to fold it into pleats too. At the bottom of the hill is Dragon Hill. At the top of the hill a mile up the path is Waylands Smithy.  You can't help but stand on that hill, by the Eye and get lost in the world surrounding you.

Filming at Long Meg

Long Meg and her sisters

Uffington White Horse

Avebury

Stonehenge

Uffington White Horse - one of my all time fav pics

For those moments you stand there, connected to All around you. It takes your breath away. You are aware of that moment that you are part of it All. All of this without adding people, ritual, ceremonies, mead or a specific day of the cycle.

Meridians - we are all connected.  Before getting absorbed in coloured candles and all the trappings of ritualised dogma, take the time to connect to the Universe first.  Plant your feet in the richness of the life all around you. Feel the life forces in everything.  Become part of it All.  Otherwise, without that connection, you have no real power because you cannot truly understand what you are not really part of.  How can you heal if you cannot connect to the Universe, to channel it, to be the vessel? Exactly!

I'm proud to say that took all of these images (more here). I see the world and capture it for a moment. My final word is you can find beauty in anything if you plug in and open your eyes, all your eyes.

Love really is All around!