I

Week 18

From a very young age, you develop the sense of 'I', who you are, what makes you an individual. Your character develops and you become your own person. This is before you're walking.  You don't stop developing who you are, as a kid, as a teenager, as a young adult, as a parent - til the day you die. The friends you have, the people you love, the music you enjoy, the places you go... everything is every day changing in who you are.  More so when you're made aware of your spiritual path, be it a religion or spiritual path, it applies to it all.  I can only discuss my own experience of this though.  A bit about where I am now and who I am.

I recall cycling down a hill in town and thinking 'what religion should I follow'. I'd left school (I was about 17), I knew about the main religions and what they get up to, so I went through each one in my head, weighing up the pros and cons and if any of them felt right.  They didn't.  So I wasn't anything. I'd been raised in a Church of England village, went to a CoF school, had been Christened and brainwashed by the school and Brownies to go to church every Sunday, to sing the hymns in class and have a Christian view of the world.  I still think I'm more Christian than those who claim they are lol.. but that's another story.

Anyway..... nothing fit. It wasn't until 1998 that I found spiritualism but it still wasn't quite right. Then a couple of years later, the thing I felt, the thing I believed in was given a name - pagan.  Of course you later find out that it was a derogatory name and was an umbrella term but it was an identity, a place to start on the path. And boy was that path a twisty one!  This was around the time of Charmed, so finding books on the subject of paganism was a tad fluffy and targeted the teenage market.  That was another thing, this became fashionable.  Everyone was suddenly a witch, wearing the jewellery and outfits and claiming ancient heritage - which upset those on those paths. It made a mockery of their journey, or so they cried.

At the time, online forums were the place to go to learn, to meet like-minded people and meet at events. I certainly learned a lot about people! I met some good ones, whom I still keep in touch with and some absolute (insert expletive of your choice here) who still rear their poisonous Hydra heads when you least expect it.  I learnt a lot about myself but most importantly, I learned what I am NOT.  I discussed in my Blue Crow blog about how I found my name and what it meant. I have covered part of this before.  I learnt it was ok not to know where you are going on your path, what you're doing or how to do it. I learned that you don't have to know these things, just let your heart guide you.  I haven't gotten anything out of a book to help me in this way, it's all come from within my self and the world around me.  I learned that in spite of these people out there who will shoot you down, who make themselves out to be some kind of forum-messiah, that they only taught me what I didn't want to be - a know-it-all fuckwit.  In hindsight, and it is in hindsight because I beat myself up about 'why' for years, I do not need their approval to be who I am.  They are keyboard warriors, they don't do anything constructive and they poison people. That said, they did teach me those lessons and for that, at least I should be thankful.  What am I saying?! Did I just hear myself saying I was grateful for being treated like shit? No way... well yeah, I did lol.  Remember my words from the last blog (what do you mean you didn't read it! lol) ...

"Every now and then, you have to go back through the door of your past and see exactly what brought you to the present -where you are now. By looking at your past in this way, you can recognise how much you have truly grown as a person, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The doors of the past should never be shut, as they will inevitable seal the progression of your future self."

So as hard as those lessons were, they are part of who you are now. Slam the door on those (insert expletive here), learn from it, move on. Keep screenshots!

My best advice to give those starting on their paths or even those halfway up them is this:

Be yourself. 

Go where your heart takes you. 

Listen to your gut feelings, 
they are rarely wrong.

Like attracts like

It's ok to be you - be an individual

You are not a sheep or a shepherd

Think for yourself - not others.

Never let anyone make you feel,

that you don't deserve what you want.

Be you.

Avebury sheep... no really it is! 

You never stop learning. You never stop finding out who 'you' are. You are you. It's ok to be you...

If ..........

Week 17

I don't have an 'i' but I shall share this poem that starts with an IF.. I wrote it about a decade ago. My brother and I had gotten into a debate about the past and it not existing anymore. I found myself writing this.

                              ----------------

If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear as it is infinite. - William Blake

There are things known and things unknown and in between are the doors of perception. - Jim Morrison

It has always seemed to me possible that by taking the appropriate drug, I might so change my ordinary mode of consciousness as to be able to know, from the inside, what the visionary, the medium, even the mystic were talking about.

But the man who comes back through the Door in the Wall will never be quite the same as the man who went out.  He will be less self-satisfied, humbler in acknowledging his ignorance yet better equipped to understand the relationship of words to things, of systematic reasoning to the unfathomable Mystery which it tries forever, vainly, to comprehend. - Aldous Huxley

Every now and then, you have to go back through the door of your past and see exactly what brought you to the present -where you are now. By looking at your past in this way, you can recognise how much you have truly grown as a person, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The doors of the past should never be shut, as they will inevitable seal the progression of your future self. - Blue Crow


Need I say more....? No really, do I need to? lol... that's your lot, for now.

Horned God

Week 16 .... I know, I know! It's really really late... soz!

I have a real thing for the Horned God.  My first encounter with this figure was in 2000ad and Slaine, I think I was about 11 years old.  I used to read the comic at the paper shop before going off on my rounds and the customer always got a well thumbed copy. Sacrilege, I know! hehehehe.  As an adult, I continued my love of Slaine and his Celtic warrior world and the goddess stories, well before I knew the term 'pagan'. So it's fair to say that the horned one is well established in this life time.

In the stories of Slaine, he does the work of the goddess and in later tales, travels through time, becoming part of history, fighting the bad guys who are defiling the goddess ie the land.  I've since read many Celtic mythology books and can see that Pat Mills (the writer of Slaine) has really done his homework. So those comics I read as a kid, were the real tales of ancient myths.  Love it!  Add in a healthy dose of sex and extreme violence (not at same time!) and I'm a happy puppy indeed.

He didn't think it too many

There are many interpretations of our Horny one and I happily admit that I'm no scholar, so can't debate it really. I'm just a girl who loves what he embodies.  Why? It's raw nature, it's base, it's it's it's life! That's the best you'll get out of me. I did have a Google on the subject and found some interesting sites you may wish to look at. Who is Cernunnos? - some history and debate about origins etc in there. Also check out Celtic Myth podshow - loads of links on the horned god and tonnes of other stuff.

I was sitting up my woods a few years back and was meditating. I was given a vision of a black stag human head in the big beech tree opposite. I'm no artist but I tried to transfer this vision from my mind to paint and this is the result.  The shapes of the branches/roots were symbolic to the vision I had, all to to do with the tree of life.

said it wasn't brill ...

A few years later, I asked my friend to tattoo his interpretation of this on to me. This was the result:

Crow outline was already there... first sitting

Gonna get some more added to this

And then there's my motorbike......

Slaine travels through time, in this saga he's Robin Goodfellow - spirit of the wood

Petrol tank

Side of the tank

Mudguard

Seat unit/tail piece

Damn right!

So there you go... not very informative but if you want that, click the links in the text.

Hex

Week 15

I've done a few over the years but not since 2010 because I didn't need to.  I thought about it and it didn't warrant it.  Hexing isn't something you should just do.  It's something that you need to really think about before you decide what needs to be done.  This applies to whatever path you are on.

• why are you doing it? Really think about it. 
• what result do you want from the hex?
• how are you going to do the hex?
• which spirits/deities are you going to call to help you with the hex?
• is the hex really necessary? Have you REALLY thought about it? Can it not be solved by communicating to that person that they are being a wanker? 
• meditate on it.. ask for guidance, ask for inspiration, ask if it's the right thing to do.
• got the go ahead? Then go for it. If it feels right, it is right. 
• teach them a lesson.
• write the details in your book, take some pictures, keep a record. 
• don't broadcast it on social media! Don't threaten people on forums that you'll 'hex them til their eyes glow red' cos you sound like a twat, it's stupid and you can't do it! It's not Charmed ffs, grow up. 
• there is ALWAYS a price to pay. You cannot exert that much energy and not pay. If you don't know what you're doing - DON'T DO IT! Don't be messing about with this shit... and if you get it out of a book that has a red velvet cover or other fluffy book, then you're a bloody fool and deserve the backlash of your stupidity and ignorance.

How about this. Instead of doing a hex to harm that person who's upset you, how about doing a working, put it into words what that person has done and why you feel wronged. Then ask the Universe to sort them out as it sees fit.

Or teach them a lesson
Someone was being spiteful and hateful. Their lies were really doing harm. So I did a hex to reflect back to them what they were putting out. For them to be gagged by their own poisonous words, to choke on their own venom and when they had learnt the error of their ways, the hex would release them. It's using their own darkness against them.  Writing it down, exactly how they are wronging you and reflecting that behaviour back to them often is all that's needed.  Ask the Universe to help.... that's all a spell or prayer is really, putting it 'out there'.  There are no guarantees. Some people are impervious.

Three fold rule
Yeah, I don't hold with that one bit. Once upon a time, I was afraid, actually afraid to wish retribution on those who had really done me over in case it came back to me. What a load of bollox!  It's more of a guideline than a rule anyway... nothing wrong with not being a wanker to people, it's basic good manners really.  If you wrong people, you should expect it to return to you.  I'm not even Wiccan! It has become a pagan rule, rather than the Wiccan rede that it's supposed to represent. It's been twisted and corrupted by fluffy people who aren't even on that path.  Those people who take this 'rule' literally do themselves more harm than good, I speak from my own experience. Most of the time it's been misquoted and that's typical really because pagans put down Christians for doing the same, yet quite happily do the same with the three fold rule.  It's open to interpretation like all text.  It's part of the Wiccan Rede, if you're going to abide by the Rede, then it should be to ALL the Rede and not the last sentence... plus it has to be fairly irksome to actual Wiccans to have their words misquoted by fluffy people. The Wiccans I've met, have been initiated and trained and don't spout off.  Those who follow wicca, aren't Wiccans. Wiccans are those who have been initiated into a coven.  Or so I'm led to believe, it's not my area of expertise, so my apologies if I got it wrong or offended anyone - not my intent.

I'm not Wiccan, I don't know if this is the actual full rede but it says it is and there's so much on the www it's mad!

Back to hexing........
Everything I do, comes from within. The ones I have done in the past have been after I asked spirit for guidance. I sat and thought about it for a few days and then if it was right to do, I did a working. For me, it involves fire, fresh sage and rosemary on the fire, alcohol (usually mead), maybe a candle, the poppet I've made, maybe a sharp thing to focus with (hehehe) and my cat Booster - he just likes to sit on my lap when I have a fire. I write down what I want to achieve. I sit by the fire and relax my mind. I ask my guides to come close and to help me with doing what is right. I ask a deity to come close and to give me the go ahead. If I feel it's ok to proceed, I do.  Each time has been different. Each time there's been a different deity felt. It does use your energy and you may find you're tired for a couple of days or even feel ill.

You can also apply all of the above to working with poppets. They don't have to be for hexing, they can be used for healing work too.  When I visited the Witchcraft museum in Boscastle, they had recently uncovered a secret room of the late Cecil Williamson, full of poppets, curse/hex objects and many other wonderful things.  These were put on display in big glass cases and the artifacts are very old.  Hexing/cursing is an ancient thing.  In Roman baths they have found lead tablets with a prayer to curse a person, folded over and thrown in to the local God/ess there.  It's not a new thing. People went to a specialist to do these things. They'd pay them in some form and then leave them to it, happy in the knowledge that the man who stole their pig would be struck down with some horrible disease.  What can I say, people have always had the capacity to be petty vindictive dicks lol.  The picture below is of a curse tablet found in London. It reads:

"I curse Tretia Maria and her life and mind and memory and liver and lungs mixed up together, and her words, thoughts and memory; thus may she be unable to speak what things are concealed, nor be able."  (translation: British Museum) - nice!

Wiki article on Curse Tablets

If you are ever in Cornwall, make sure you visit the Witchcraft museum. It's a wonderful place and I highly recommend it. Read their guide.

If you recall in my blog Glamour, there was a person who was telling people I was going to hex her on the full moon.  I haven't because she's not worth my energy.  I haven't felt the need to do a working since 2010. And that's why I love Granny Weatherwax, just because you know how to do it, doesn't mean you have to. The tip is knowing when NOT to use magic.  Hexing isn't always the way to deal with a situation. Of course there's the added power of Headology... let them think you've done something. Let them twist themselves up thinking you're going to do something.  Not that I did, in that particular case, that was all her imagination. I was just as surprised to read I was going to do it as everyone else lol.

There are people who have done such heinous things to me, that I wouldn't want to tap into that hatred I have for them. That's a dark place I don't want to explore. Which is why I haven't seriously fucked them up... and I could but it would cost me more.

THERE IS ALWAYS A PRICE TO PAY.
Remember that...

Granny, Green Man and Guides

Week 14 - as I can't decide which one, I shall discuss these three =o))

Paul Kidby - love his work! Just how you imagine the characters to look.

Granny Weatherwax
I love the Discworld novels, I've read them all countless times. My favourite ones are the ones with the witches in.  If you want to know about witchcraft, real witchcraft - read these books. I met 'Grandad' a few years back, he runs the Hitchhikers fan club and was telling me about how he knows Terry and apparently the witches are based on real people.  I love the fact that there's actually people out there like this.

Granny: “I don’t hold with paddlin’ with the occult. Once you start paddlin’ with the occult you start believing in spirits, and when you start believing in spirits you start believing in demons, and then before you know where you are you’re believing in gods. And then you’re in trouble.”
Nanny Ogg: “But all them things exist.”
Granny: “That’s no call to go around believing in them.  It only encourages ’em.”

“There’s magic, and then again, there’s magic. The important thing, my girl, is to know what magic is for and what it isn’t for. And you can take it from me, it was never intended for lighting fires, you can be absolutely certain of that."

I don't read craft books. I like Granny's attitude to 'Boffo' and I agree, you don't need a special knife to cut air with for ritual, you don't need coloured candles, you don't need trinkets and triple goddess pendants to be a witch....... but if that's your thing, more power to you... we all need something to make it 'real'.  I don't but that's me lol

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Green Man

I love going into old churches and going Green Man hunting.  You can guarantee that if it's an old Norman church or from around that time, there will be a Green Man, on the ceiling.  The picture above is one that I took in St.Mary's church in Hitchin, nearly 1000 years old.  Just because they are churches, doesn't mean that the craftsmen that built them were Christian.  In the really early churches, you can also find Sheela-na-gigs - sometimes described as 'imps' in the church logs but these are often a female figure pulling open their lady parts and some have their tongues lolling out... there's lots of stories about them and no one can agree on their meaning.  It's the meaning you give it, I suppose, as with all things. Also another Green Man spot, is sometimes you find the old lecterns have what looks like Jesus with leaves and vines coming out of his mouth, which is actually very early Green Man carvings. 

When I'm gazing, I have seen the outline of a big green face in trees before. I feel that he is the spirit of the nature, of trees and things that grow. I have no thesis behind my attraction to the Green Man, nor have I read up on it to form an educated opinion. I just feel connected to him.  As always, I like to provide links to sources of information and I found a good one I think you'll enjoy, there's also a regular podcast. 

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Owl - one of my animal guides

Guides

I work with spirit. I have been made aware of several guides over the years. Each guide will come to work with you depending on what help you need.  It seems that everyone has a red Indian guide... no seriously, how many people have you heard speaking about their guides, haven't boasted about their Native American? Been in a spiritualist church lately? Seen the Indian pictures and then there's all those books on people channeling an Indian guide.  It's a bit of a phenominononononon lol

Just because you don't know they are there or who they are, doesn't mean they aren't there and helping you.

When I was sitting in development circle, I became more aware of my guides. I'm afraid to say that I lost the way a bit and didn't do much spirit work for a few years and lost touch with my guides. They are still with me though, I'm just not aware of them all the time.

There's a bit of a craze with people claiming to have animal guides.  Everyone always purports to have eagle, wolf or some power animal as a guide.  What's wrong with the other animals? I have been doing the Medicine Wheel cards for 20 years and there's a wide spectrum of creatures, all with stories from Native American cultures.  The nature of the creature, it's mannerisms and character, depicts those within yourself or ones you need to akin to.  We already met Rabbit in my Fear blog.  

You cannot always be eagle or wolf or some other noble creature... you have to learn the ways of all the animals, for they all have a lesson to teach about ourselves.  Claiming to be just the one, isn't a guide, it's your fantasy.  Fantasy has it's place but it's not spiritual growth to deny yourself these lessons. 

I've encountered a nun as a guide before. It surprised me at the time because I don't have any love for dogma or the confines of church.  But Cara (the name she gave me) was a carer, a healer and helped me understand the journey I was making as a healer.  There was four that I knew of at this time... all had something to teach me, not that I was fully aware of those lessons. Doesn't make them any less valid, knowledge can be glimpsed in dreams and the world around.  

Hope that makes sense... it's nearly 5am, my eye is twitching and telling me it's time for bed.

Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts x

Glamour

Week 13

Glamour

Oxford Dictonary:
"Origin early 18th century (originally Scots in the sense 'enchantment, magic'): alteration of grammar. Although grammar itself was not used in this sense, the Latin word grammatica (from which it derives) was often used in the Middle Ages to mean 'scholarship, learning', including the occult practices popularly associated with learning."

Urban dictionary: "Disguises an object, also makes it temporarily assume the shape of its disguise."

Hmmm... not just a word to describe some bint with her bits out, but it has origins in magic and even the urban dictionary nails it. I'm not on about making yourself look glamorous or mucky pictures or models but the negative way that those who put a 'glamour' on, affects the world around us. Oh this is gonna be juicy and I bet you can all identify at least one person in your circles that does this.

The shit just doesn't stick to some people. Even when there's evidence testifying to things they've said, done and who they really are, people fail to 'see' this, ignore it, defend them and then turn on people who are enemies of this person. Why? They've got their glamour on. I'm not sure whether they do a spell, or it's some kind of projection or what but it's infuriating being the receiving end of their campaigns where everything they say about you is taken as the truth and everything you say to prove otherwise, is overlooked.  I've been on the pagan scene for a decade (ish) and this glamour crap has reared it's fetid head many times.

** I don't know what it is but I started this blog a month ago and it's been sitting at the back of my mind, unable to be completed. I've just had a lovely hot bath with oudles of bubbles and all this stuff is running amok in my head, so it's no bed for me... I have this one to finish and another two to write. Easy! Ok where was I........ **

I have just had a look through some old emails for inspiration and you know what? I hadn't realised how many YEARS I've been dealing with this bullshit. What is wrong with these people? Why can't they just get on with their thing and not create such disharmony in the world? Why do they have to poison people against those they currently hate? Why don't they put their energies into something constructive? Why don't they all just fuck off! I keep screenshots of all these things they write and I just read one where the 'victim' is whipping people up into a 'poor you' frenzy claiming that I and several others are going to do magic against them and to 'shields up' because it's the full moon that week and we'll be attacking her. Really??!! What world do you live in where you think I'd waste my energies and time working magic against you? That kind of mentality needs Sectioning... and yet, in spite of the endless screenshots, emails, text messages and evidence that proves mine and others innocence, this person just keeps being hailed as the 'victim' and how they are drawn to her like a magnet sucking in people. Like a big fat bullshit vacuum ....... and that's 'glamour'. And I bet that you're all nodding your heads saying 'yeah, that sounds like ...' - there's always someone doing it.  That screenshot/email is from FOUR years ago and the bitch is still banging on about it every opportunity.... I kid you not. Pathetic.

What can you do to protect yourself from it? It's easy to say not to rise to the bait but it's a bit difficult when these people know what buttons to push. When you're on the spiritual path, you open up and talk about personal things and these people take those words and then try and hurt you with them. There's a word for people like that, and it's a very rude one!  So be careful who you confide in, it's too easy to think you're in good company, feel comfortable and then confide your life story.  Not everyone is as they seem.

It's too easy to get angry, to want to hex to get them to stop... but that just lets them feed off your energy. It drains you. It consumes your world with what they said next. You get sucked into their bullshit vacuum... pull the plug. Keep it factual, don't get personal. Then let them get on with it. My mum always told me (and I never appreciated at the time) that people will bait you to get a rise out of you. If you don't bite back, they don't like it... and if they keep baiting and don't get the reaction they want, they are the ones that look stupid.

Remember: You don't have to justify yourself to anyone........ so don't!

That said, I often wish we lived in times where you could carry swords and double headed battle axes. I'd like to see them say that shit to my face then (none ever have had the balls to btw) ... but they didn't have keyboard warriors back then! And that is the point isn't it.... they are nothing but trolls, people with distorted egos, people who need others to feed off, people who live behind a keyboard spouting hate and sucking others into their bullshit vacuum. They are NOTHING... remember that. Pity them and if you're going to do any kind of magical working, light a candle and send them some LIGHT, because Goddess knows, they need it.

Fire

Week 12

I'm on fire right now... four blogs in as many hours... I'm going to suffer tomorrow, oh wait, it already is tomorrow!  Birds have been up for ages, it's light outside, my son will be getting up for school soon. Geez!

Fire
I love working with fire. I use candles a lot with my healing work. Nothing fancy, just a nice vanilla scented one from Morrisons.  I light it and send my thoughts to those who need healing. The flame holds my gaze for a time and I get lost in it.

I use fire for my 'workings'. Admittedly, these aren't very often and when I do do them, they kick arse. I think my last working was in 2010.  I won't go into details about the who and what and how but they always involve fire, mead and my cat Booster.  I don't work from a book, it all comes from the top of my head, inspired actions by spirit.  Booster always comes and sits on my lap when I'm fire gazing. It's so easy to get lost in the flames... I like to study how the fire takes the wood, where it builds up, where it burns fiercely... understanding fire is important.  Well, it is for me.

A few years back, I did a working on a group of people who were really awful internet pagan bullies. I did my thing, Booster sat on my lap, I drank mead and took photos. The next day I was going through them and this is what I found. It's not been edited.. it is what it is. What do you see?

I met Marion Green at a pagan event in Reading (SCRAPE) and after her talk on elements and tools, I told her about the working and the picture above. I asked her what it meant (what with me being a noob) and she said 'it means it worked'.  And you know what? It totally did work. Those nasty people soon fell off the scene they'd dominated for years and rarely raise their heads.  I only reflected back what they emitted. No wonder they were knocked off their feet, awful people!

This picture was chosen as picture of the month on the Warband forum. It was on the front page and someone joined the group as soon as they saw that picture.  They had an infinity with unicorns and she became one of my good friends, the same friend I talked about in the Healing Energy blog.  Every action has a reaction and every reaction ripples out.

Coloured candles for spellwork? Nah! Personally, think that's all a load of nonsense but knock yourself out if that's what you wanna do.  To each their own.

Booster